Not Your Average KungFu Movie
by Grinning Reaper
Summary: AU. Officer Duo Maxwell has never had a partener. And then he gets put with Bejing's new transfer, stuff gets alittle more than crazy. Can they save the President of Winner Corps, catch the Villian AND get along? Not likely YAOI 2/5 3/4 1/6 hints o yuri
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I own the world.  
  
Wufei: No you don't! You don't own anything! Especially not us! I'm glad you don't too..  
  
Grinning Reaper: Well, another day another fic, eh?  
  
Quatre: Am I in this one?  
  
Grinning Reaper: But of course.  
  
Quatre: Goody!  
  
Grinning Reaper: I've decided that's I've been writing quite a great deal of angst and I need to do a funny on-going fic as well. That way I won't get so depressed. This fic has a logical explanation: It's the result of watching both Rush Hour Movies at two in the morning.  
  
Wufei: Dear Gods above and below...we're all damned.  
  
Grinning Reaper: As a teeny side note: Wufei speaks broken English in this one, so he may be a bit hard to understand. With that aside, let's get to work!!  
  
Chapter one: A PARTENER?!?  
  
Duo Maxwell whistled to himself as he walked to Police Chief Une's office. Today was such a bright and sunny day. He was so happy to be alive. Okay, that's bull, he was happy because he caught a perpetrator in a high-speed chase *and* blew something up too. He loved his job.  
  
"Ya wanted to see me Chief Une?" He asked the woman behind the desk. The brunette gazed sternly at him from behind her glasses.  
  
"Sit down Maxwell." She said motioning to a chair in front of her desk. Duo complied; taking a candy from the dish that was set out for visitors.  
  
"Yeth ma'am?" Duo managed to get out around a mouth-full of chocolate and caramel.  
  
"It has come to my attention that when you're on the job you're slightly...dangerous." She said at last.  
  
"Dangerous? What makes you say that? I'm a good cop ain't I?" The braided man asked. The green-eyed woman bobbed her head.  
  
"Our best, but, Maxwell, you almost blew up an entire city block last week." Duo sighed explosively.  
  
"Well hell, I caught they guy right?" He asked as Une offered him another candy.  
  
"The perp was a purse snatcher Maxwell... I've gotten several suggestions from officers that you might calm down if you get a partner. I think that that's a good idea, now-"  
  
"A partener? A PARTENER?!?" Duo exploded. "Listen, I'm a one-man operation."  
  
"It just so happens that we've acquired a new officer from Beijing. He's going to need some one to show him around, he's quite good. Efficient. I'm sure you'll like him." Une said, ignoring Duo's outburst.  
  
"Beijing?" He echoed. Une nodded crisply.  
  
"We're due to pick him up soon." Said Une standing. "So, let's give him a warm welcome, shall we?"  
  
~AIR PORT~  
  
Duo stood on tiptoe as he tried to see who was his new partner.  
  
"Is that him?" He asked of a graying old man that had just stepped off the most recent flight from Beijing.  
  
"I couldn't tell you Maxwell. I've never seen mister Chang." Une replied. Then through the crowd, a group of Chinese men in suits appeared in front of them.  
  
"Nihao." Une said, bowing low and formally. The gentle men returned the bow.  
  
"This is Officer Duo Maxwell." Said Une, gesturing to him when appropriate. A middle-aged man with gaped teeth grinned.  
  
"And this is our Officer Chang Wufei." The bald man said. He gestured toward a petite man that was standing tall for his small stature, weighed down with his own baggage and blinking almost kittenishly at Duo. Duo smiled nervously, not comfortable being under such close examination. Something within the sloe eyes lit up, almost as if with surprise.  
  
//He looks awfully young.// Duo thought to himself.  
  
"Hi." Duo managed at last. Officer Chang just stared at him as the men that had brought him left. "Do you speak English??" Blink. Blink. "Okay, I'm Duo. Say it. Do (Pause) oh."  
  
"Do (Pause) oh." The smaller man repeated. Duo looked oddly at him.  
  
"Right. What can I call you? What's your name?" After blinking for a few moments, the Officer replied:  
  
"I must be Wufei."  
  
"You mean 'I am Wufei'." Duo corrected. Wufei looked slightly puzzled and miffed.  
  
"No." He said as if Duo was very dense. "You are Do (pause) oh. I Wufei." Duo sighed.  
  
"Whatever you say Wu." The violet-eyed one replied. The round face turned scarlet with anger.  
  
"No. I just being Wufei. Not'ing else." He said scowling terribly as they got into the car. Once back at the station, they were almost automatically handed a case.  
  
"What already?" Duo sighed when Sally, Une's receptionist handed him a manila folder. Sally rolled her blue eyes.  
  
"Yes already. Read it and get going." She sighed before walking into Une's office.  
  
"Hey where are you going?" Duo asked.  
  
"In to Une's office." Sally answered stopping in the doorway.  
  
"To do what?" He solicited wiggling his thin eyebrows suggestively. Sally scowled ferociously.  
  
"That's none of your business! Now get going!" Duo laughed loudly while Wufei just sort of...stared at him.  
  
~Scene change, fade to a man sitting at a desk~  
  
Heero Yuy busied himself at his computer while waiting for the two police officers that were said to arrive. They were already just slightly late. He, as the vice president of Winner Corps hired them with reason to believe that someone intended to murder their President.  
  
"You wanted to see me mister Yuy?" and overly breathy voice asked from the doorway. The stoic man looked up from his monitor and stared at the young woman in front of him with his Prussian blue eyes.  
  
"No Relena I didn't." He said shortly. She was coming to try to seduce him already? She was ten whole minutes early!!  
  
"Are you sure?" She asked clumsily sashaying over to his desk.  
  
"I am working go away." He snapped irritably. Relena giggled.  
  
"Oh I love it when you talk dirty to me Heero!!" She said lustily. Heero turned away from her in his swivel chair and gazed out the window.  
  
"Did Doctor S. up your dosage again?" He asked without feeling. The blonde girl lounged on his desk, propping one leg up so her skirt rode up so high it was way past nasty. (Relena had made sure to wear her best see-thru thong today...-_-)  
  
"No, why do you ask that?" She asked innocently. Heero sighed and rubbed his forehead. He was already getting that headache again and he had taken two aspirin only half an hour ago. "Is all you ever do work Heero?" Relena whined. The brown haired god ignored her and gazed at the office in the building across from him. There was that guy with the long blonde hair again. Waving at him from his office like always. Heero allowed himself a rare smile and this time actually waved back. The blonde man's face brightened and he turned around and began scribbling something at his desk. He wasn't that bad looking actually... "Heero? Are you listening to me? HEEEEEEEROOOOOO!!!" Relena wailed. As she launched in to some sort of long-winded speech about getting married the blonde boy pressed a sheet of paper against his windowpane. Heero could barely make out the letters. It said :  
  
ZECHS- 392-667-8431  
  
Mr. Yuy blinked and gave a laugh in surprise. He took down the number. (Just so blondie wouldn't be disappointed. He wasn't going to call him! Really! Heero Yuy had a heart of stone!!) It was then that he noticed Relena was lying on her back on his desk and was making some...interesting noises. Grumbling a curse in his native tongue he roughly shoved her off the desk. She shrieked and hit the floor with a thump.  
  
"I have carpet burn." She noted. "Kinky."  
  
"Out!" Heero shouted pointing at his door and feeling his left eye beginning to twitch. Being the obedient bitch she was Relena scurried out just as two men about Heero's age sauntered in.  
  
"I take it that you're the Officers that I sent for." Heero said solemnly.  
  
"Yeah." Said the one with obscenely long hair. "We are."  
  
"You're late." He said stiffly.  
  
"Got hungry. Heero Yuy right?" Asked the longhaired one. Heero nodded and gave a noncommittal 'hn'. "Wanna doughnut? I'm Officer Duo Maxwell by the way." The talkative policeman added.  
  
"No thank you. I can't stand sugar." He replied. Officer Maxwell shrugged and bit in to the powdered dessert himself.  
  
"I Officer Wufei Chang. You was haved the job for us?" The second one, unmistakably Asian asked.  
  
"As a matter of fact I did. We have reason to believe that our President is going to be assassinated. We hired you to find the assassin and to aide his body guard in protecting him." Heero explained formally. It was then that Relena burst in AGAIN.  
  
"Mister Yuy-" She began.  
  
"NOT NOW WOMAN I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEETING!" Heero shrieked in frustration, causing the other three people in the room to jump.  
  
"I-I-I have a possible lead on who might be trying to kill Mister Winner." Relena said shakily.  
  
"Who?" Heero sighed. "And for god's sake don't say that it's Hilde just because she accidentally gave Quatre salmonella at the Christmas party..."  
  
"They think that it might be Treize Krushrunada." Relena answered. (A/N: I dunno how to spell that name!!)  
  
~End of scene one~  
  
Grinning Reaper: Hee hee hee tell me what you think!!  
  
Wufei: Okay, I think that it sucked.  
  
Duo: No one asked you!!  
  
Wufei: Actually yes she did...  
  
Zechs: Wahoo! I get to nail Heero!  
  
Heero: No you don't. ::glare::  
  
Wufei: Mainly because the onna couldn't write a lemon to save her life.  
  
Duo: Yeah.... ::sigh::  
  
Grinning Reaper: Yeah I could!! I just might need a bit of....assistance....  
  
Quatre: I get to be in the next part right?  
  
Grinning Reaper: Yes you do. Tune in next time minna! 


	2. Meet Quatre!

Disclaimer: I don't know nothing 'bout ownin' no gundams.  
  
Grinning Reaper: Hi minna! I finally got around to updating!!  
  
Wufei: It's about time!!  
  
Quatre: Yes, we're glad that you're updating this fic but what about 'What those Ebon Depths Saw'.? Is it going to be updated soon??  
  
Grinning Reaper: Uhm.I dunno.  
  
Duo: Whaaaat?? Aww! My chapter was next and I was going to nail Wufei again!  
  
Wufei: YOU MOST CERTAINLY WERE NOT!!  
  
Grinning Reaper: *sigh* This is giving me a headache.  
  
Chapter two:  
  
"Treize?" Heero echoed. "I thought that he was killed a back a while ago." Relena shook her head furiously.  
  
"Apparently, he wasn't. He was spotted in a bar not too long ago." She said. "We have reason to believe that he was the one who attempted to shoot Mr. Winner at his banquet, as the sniper who was seen was a person who did work for him regularly." Heero nodded.  
  
"This is a dangerous mission. Do the two of you still want to carry it out?" He asked. Wufei practically leapt out of his seat.  
  
"Yes. We will no matter what is to happen." He said firmly. Duo also stood, his brows furrowing.  
  
"Now wait just on cotton-pickin' minnit!" He exploded. "Maybe I don't want to go on a dangerous mission! You ever thought about that?" Wufei glared.  
  
"It is your respons'bl'ty to up hold the justice." He snapped back. Heero rubbed his forehead. This was getting a little more than ridiculous.  
  
"Well do you want to go on this mission or not Mr. Maxwell?" He asked, feeling as if at any moment he could let his head start pounding on the table. Duo threw himself back down in his chair with a lazy grin.  
  
"Yeah sure. Why not?" He said shrugging. Suddenly a horrible grinding noise arose. Duo, Relena, and Wufei all exchanged glances to see what was making the noise. AS it turns out it was Heero's teeth grinding together. Duo tittered nervously.  
  
"Eheheheheh...uhm so is that all you wanted us for...?" He asks swallowing hard. Heero heaved another sigh and rubbed his forehead.  
  
"No actually I wanted you to begin as soon as possible. Mr. Winner is up in his office if you wouldn't mind following me." Heero says standing slowly. He escorts the two policemen out of his office and down a long dodger blue hall that seemed to go on forever.  
  
[Scene change. Fade to a tall young man with a uni-bang standing tensely before a desk]  
  
"You wanted to tell me something Trowa?" Quatre asked raising his thin brows and widening his already impossibly large turquoise eyes. Trowa Barton, his bodyguard, choked.  
  
"Y-y-yes...I uhm...I wanted to say that I..." The brunette stammed uselessly for a few moments. /Dooooo it.../ The tiny voice in the back of his head whispered. /CONFESS YOUR LOVE TO HIM AND THEN BANG HIM SENSLESS ON THE DESK!!! DO IT!! DO IT!!/ The voice was screaming at him now and Trowa was beginning to wonder if he had some sort of problem. "I lllll-lo-" It was then that the Vice President and a slew of other people decided to burst in the door. Trowa could have cheerfully pounded said Vice President's face into the ground. And he had the training to do it too.  
  
"Oh, hello Heero." Quatre said smiling politely. "Are these the extra bodyguards you sent for?" He asked jerking his head at the two young men standing along with Mr. Yuy.  
  
"Hn." Heero replied. Quatre, being fluent in Heeronese knew that meant: 'Yes, these are the two policemen that I sent for.' He stood and gave them a sunny smile.  
  
"Hello, I'm Quatre Rebabra Winner. You can call me Quatre though." He said holding out his hand for the two young men to shake.  
  
"Duo. Duo Maxwell." The taller of the two said cheerily. Trowa eyed the braided fellow suspiciously. He was looking at Quatre awfully funny. He had better not be making eyes at him that was HIS Quatre. Heero gave Trowa a 'You're over reacting' look and snorted. Well Duo COULD have been making eyes at Quatre. Even though he wasn't. But still. That was HIS Quatre...and of course, if Quatre knew how he felt Trowa might not be having this problem...still...  
  
"I Officer Chang Wufei." The Aisan man said blinking at Quatre's hand before shaking it. He was a small man. Almost classified as petite. He looked fierce though.  
  
"It's nice to meet the both of you." Quatre said smiling. "I'd like you to meet my bodyguard. His name is Trowa Barton." He gave Trowa a little push foreword. "Go on Trowa. Say hello." He prompted as if speaking to a child.  
  
"...Hello." He murmured at last, tugging at the sleeve of his woolen turtleneck, more distracted by the hand on the small of his back than anything else. That little voice was telling him to bang Quatre on the desk again...yes perhaps he finally was going crazy.  
  
"Well." Quatre said clapping his hands together. "Now that we know each other I vote we break for tea."  
  
[End scene two]  
  
Grinning Reaper: Ahahahahah! I love Trowa in this chapter.  
  
Trowa: ... ,\\  
  
Wufei: I only had one line!! What kind of justice is that?!?  
  
Grinning Reaper: Ahh, but you blinked and some of my fans think that's cute. *grins*  
  
Wufei: I am nobody's teddy bear.  
  
Duo: Not even mine...?  
  
Wufei: Kisama... ;  
  
Quatre: Trowa is one of those quiet ones that you always say you need to watch out for in this isn't he?  
  
Grinning Reaper: Yep. I'm also thinking there's going to be a lot of gratuitous sex in here. After all it is supposed to be a movie. *nods* Yep.  
  
Heero: Too bad you can't write lemons.  
  
Duo: *Sigh* Yeah...  
  
Grinning Reaper: Maybe I'll get some one to help me then ^-^ 


End file.
